Hey Jason,
I'm really struggling with how to rekindle the spark in my marriage, and I'm hoping for some advice. My wife and I have been married for 10 years, and we have two young kids. We both work full-time, and between our jobs, kids, and daily responsibilities, it feels like we've lost the connection we used to have. We used to have so much fun together, going on spontaneous trips, having deep conversations, and just enjoying each other's company. But now, it feels like we're just roommates who manage a household together. I’ve noticed that our intimacy has dwindled too, and it’s been months since we’ve had a proper date night.
I've tried initiating small gestures, like cooking her favorite meal or planning a movie night, but it doesn’t seem to make much difference. I feel like we’re both just going through the motions, and it’s starting to really worry me. I still love her deeply, and I want to reignite that passion and connection we once had. I’m open to any suggestions—whether it's new activities to try, ways to improve our communication, or anything else that might help. Thanks in advance for your help.
Thanks!
- Mark D., Franklin, Tennessee
Hey Mark,
Thanks for reaching out. It's normal for passion to fade after a few years in a long-term relationship, especially when life gets busy with work, kids, and responsibilities. The good news is that this is something you can reignite. The key to rekindling that spark lies in understanding how desire works differently for men and women. At its core, passion is fueled by desire, and when you know how to stoke that desire, you can bring the passion back into your relationship.
For men, novelty often reignites passion—new experiences and activities are exciting and arousing. But for women, desire is more emotionally complex and often tied to a sense of connection and emotional security. It’s similar to how a fire burns brighter when there’s a bit of distance or fresh air. This is why time apart can make a reunion more passionate; it builds a sense of longing and anticipation, which naturally increases desire.
To start rekindling that spark, consider creating a bit of healthy distance. Encourage solo activities or plan a short weekend trip apart. This time away allows both of you to miss each other, creating a sense of longing that can reignite desire. When you come back together, break from the routine with a “Desire Date” that’s adventurous or novel. Dressing up and making an effort to look good can help both of you feel attractive and desired, which is key to sparking passion.
Throughout the day, before your date, build anticipation with playful teasing and flirting. Subtle touches, jokes, and compliments can go a long way in creating a playful and seductive atmosphere. This gradual build-up taps into the natural dynamics of desire, making the reunion more exciting and passionate. By focusing on these small but significant changes, you can reignite the spark and bring back the connection that first brought you together.
Good luck, Mark!
~ Jason
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Hey Jason,
Hey, I met this guy, Matt, and I think he's really hot. We talked a bit at a party, but I can't figure out if he's into me or just being friendly. We did exchange phone numbers. I want to approach him, but I don't want to make things awkward if he’s not interested. Do you have any tips on how I could have handled talking to him at the party to maybe get a better read on his feelings without putting myself out there too much?"
- Emily P., Fort Collins, Colorado
Hi Emily,
When it comes to gauging a guy's interest, it's all about reading the signals while keeping things light and playful. Men often categorize women quickly into one of three groups: those they're not interested in romantically, those they're attracted to but don't see a future with, and those they’re genuinely into and willing to prioritize. The key is figuring out which category you fall into.
Start by continuing your conversation from the party. Bring up something you discussed to keep the connection going without being too obvious. Pay close attention to his body language—if he's engaged, maintaining eye contact, and seems genuinely interested in the conversation, those are good signs. To test the waters further, you can add a playful tease or compliment, which can create a flirty atmosphere.
If he responds positively, suggest a low-pressure hangout, like grabbing a coffee. This gives him the chance to show whether he's interested in spending more time with you. Regardless of the outcome, taking this approach helps you move forward confidently, while also keeping things fun and relaxed.
To get a sense of which category Matt has placed you in, observe his behavior closely. If he’s consistently polite but doesn’t go out of his way to engage with you, he might see you as just a friend. If he’s flirty but keeps things casual, he may be interested but not looking for anything serious. However, if he shows signs of prioritizing your interactions—like making plans to see you, following up on conversations, or going out of his way to spend time with you—there’s a good chance he’s genuinely into you.
And remember, meeting new people is exciting, so have fun!
~Jason
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